Wednesday 11 December 2013

The Dangers of Playgrounds

We go to a playground at least 4 times a week.
Me kept in the dark
Come rain or shine.  Mummy prefers it when it rains because it's empty.  That way we don't have any upsets about the swings.  Mummy refuses to queue.  She says she is 44 years old and she is not queuing for swings!!
She might be 44 years old but she keeps having accidents on the playground.  The first time was taking me down a slide so at least I was participating in that accident.  She went down so quickly and stopped so suddenly that she claimed her legs were foreshortened. 
The next accident was on a round-about.  The type you stand on and push round with your foot.  Mummy was trying to go faster than anyone else when she flew off and landed on her fatty bum bum.  I was in the sand pit at the time.
Then there is this gigantic telephone thing that you can speak into at one end of the park and listen to at the other end.  I had been chatting to her and then gone off when she started boring me.  Someone else's daddy went over to it and Mummy was still roaring like a lion and squeaking like a mouse.  He looked really embarrassed but not as embarrassed as Mummy when she realised I was standing next to her.
Last week, she fell off a swing in front of Nana.  Nana was pushing me on my swing and Mummy was next to me messing about.  She was trying to make the swing go over the bar when she shot forward and then tipped off in mid flight.  Nana thought it was the funniest thing ever.  Mummy didn't mention all the other accidents to her.
Then tonight, she got stuck up a climbing frame in the dark and daddy had to get her down.  Fortunately, it was so dark - no one else was about to see her.
Anyway, I don't need play grounds anymore.  I've moved on.  I've found cupboards..................


Tuesday 3 December 2013

Things my grandparents let me do which Mummy doesn't know about

1.  Eat biscuits
2.  Squash tangerine into the carpet
3.  Listen to the same nursery rhyme 23 times
4.  Pull cats' tails
5.  Jump in puddles in my shoes
6.  Wee on the carpet
7.  Play on the laptop
8.  Have 3 dinners
9.  Draw on the wooden floor
10.Stay up all night





When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.  Ogden Nash                 

Monday 18 November 2013

The Times they are a Changin'


So much is happening.  So much going on.  I can run now, sort of jump and nearly hop.  Mummy can understand when I say 'bee' and 'pea'.  Her comprehension is coming on leaps and bounds. I also say 'giggle, giggle, giggle, bugger' quite a lot.  I can grunt when someone says 'pig', moo at the word cow and clip clop if anyone mentions a horse.    I nod to say yes and shake my head for a no.  Sometimes, I say no when I mean yes - just to keep Mummy on her toes.  Especially when she asks me if I want to poo.  I can read the paper.
 
I can sing.  I can do the actions to the songs.  I can do a little dance.  I can also recognise all my relations on a photo.  I keep pointing to my Nana and my Uncle Kenneth.  I think I might burst with all this knowledge.
I can make my own breakfast in the microwave.  I can turn the washing machine on.  I can press the button for the pedestrian crossing.  I try and pull the emergency handle on the tube.  I can turn every single light off and on and off and on without getting a nose bleed.  What else?  Oh yes.  I can play hide and seek with myself.
And I am fully prepared for Christmas.  Bring it on.........
 
“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”
Albert Einstein

Thursday 7 November 2013

The Stuff that Dreams are made of

Goats.  That's right.  GOATS.  I wouldn't have believed it either until I met one.  Wow.  Ace.  I got my head as close as possible and then she kissed me.  Mummy says she stinks but I think Mummy is just being horrid like she is about my cuddly toys.  I loved her and I think she was pretty keen on me.  I could have spent all day there but Mummy dragged me away. 

I had my lovely cousins staying with me at the weekend.  They were great.  They are from Norway and there is one about my age and we could speak to each other fluently.  No need for the No Funs to translate.  Amazing.  I always thought I spoke Swedish.      We had some fireworks on Saturday and Mummy made a face in a pumpkin.  It wasn't very good.  I don't think she made the holes big enough.  You couldn't see it.  She did say it was the first time she had done anything with a pumpkin other than eat it but she could have had a practise first.  Anyway, the fireworks were well cool.  Sunday morning, we saw a squirrel on the terrace and we all leapt from the breakfast table to see him.  He was eating Mummy's pumpkin.  The holes are big enough now.

We also went to the park together.  I spent most of my time trying to get a stick down the same hole as the last seven times we were there.  I didn't manage it.  I shall try again next time though.



Tonight Mummy has the hump.  We were sitting on the floor reading a book when Daddy came home from work.  I jumped up when I saw Daddy.  It was such a long time since I last saw him.  I was so pleased to see him.  I went to collect the book from Mummy and took it to Daddy so he could finish reading it to me.  Mummy was not well pleased.  I heard her voicing a complaint to Daddy later.  She's so touchy.



 
 
 
 

Tuesday 29 October 2013

Cuddly Toys and the Best Gloves Ever

Mummy has a thing about cuddly toys.  She hates them.  I don't know what her problem is.  She really doesn't like them.  She pretends to be nice to them but sometimes I catch her doing rude things to them behind my back.  They are so nice and sweet and furry and she is mean to them. 
I have a dog and a sheep and a monkey and a doll called Peter and a teddy called Kevin.  Mummy keeps them in the furthest darkest coldest corner and I have to go and root them out everyday. 

Anyway, when I was at the library yesterday, I found the library bear.  It is the biggest bluest teddy bear in the world and I loved it.  Unfortunately, somebody else was hugging it and I tried to take it off them but Mummy made me give it back.  Their Mummy negotiated a share with my Mummy even though my Mummy was saying 'No, no, really he's fine.  He doesn't want to play with it' and I was jumping up and down and saying 'YESTH, YESTH, YESTH . So Mummy gave it back to me.  I was so pleased to see it, I started biting its ear.  Within seconds, Mummy had whipped it from me again and given it back to the girl.
 'That was a quick share' said her Mummy.

Anyway I have forgiven her as she bought me some new gloves today and they are simply fabuloso.

Friday 18 October 2013

I love IKEA

I have been twice now and I have to tell you how much I love IKEA.  Mummy has been putting off going for weeks because she hates it so much but I can't understand why.  She runs it like a military regime.  She has us up at the crack of doom on Sunday mornings to get there before anyone else arrives and then whizzes us round at high speed to get to the check outs just as they open.  She got really annoyed this time because they had changed their layout and she couldn't use her short cut which meant that we had to follow the yellow brick road around the whole building.  She gets really bad tempered and it usually results in her having a big row with daddy.  Mummy says she reckons that IKEA has been cited in more divorce cases than extra marital affairs (whatever they are.  Daddy says he's never heard of them either).
Teddy Sven and Ulrika


Anyway, I had a ball.  IKEA is one of my most favourite places next to motorway service stations and my granddad's nursing home.  I can even understand the names of all the book cases and I get to fiddle with the toilets unlike at home.   I even pushed the trolley around for half the time and Mummy was still not pleased.
She did get to breastfeed me on a discounted deck chair in the warehouse though. There was a huge sign hanging over our heads which said '£185 reduced to £25' and people kept coming over to eye up the deal.  Lucky, lucky Mummy.  She was ever so popular.

 

Saturday 12 October 2013

"Don't threaten me with love, baby.

Let's just go walking in the rain".
 Billy Holiday
Wow.  Puddles.

"All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”  

Friedrich Nietzsche 

Thursday 10 October 2013

One Small Step for Man

Me holding Nana up
Nana has spent the last 2 weeks trying to get me to walk by myself.  She has been very encouraging but I just haven't felt like it.  Walking takes so much thinking - it makes my toes curl.  Anyway, I have discovered that if I don't think about it, I can walk alone.  Herewith my first few steps...........

It makes it a bit difficult for Mummy to film though.
 
Enough of that.  I have now moved on to bigger and better things.

Except I have to tolerate this silly hat




And I love this cycling malarkey.  I spent all afternoon ringing Daddy's bell.  I nearly fell asleep on the way home which is why there is that handy looking pad in front.  Mummy is complaining of a sore bottom.  My bottom is fine thank you very much.
 
Mummy seems to consider herself a bit of a food critic so I thought I would also give it a go so here is a short clip of a pomegranate tasting.
 

Wednesday 2 October 2013

Best Italian Restaurant in London

I had a chew on a claw
Mummy's helping a friend out at the moment who has just opened an Italian restaurant 'The Lavender'  on Lavender Hill.  As Nana is here, we have been going over there quite often so Mummy can work.  In fact I saw Mummy in a suit today and to be honest, I had to look twice.  It took me 4 hours longer than usual before I managed to get milk on her lapel and olive oil down one of the legs.  Anyway, Mummy wanted me to write about how wonderful she thinks the food is.  
(She says it is the best Italian food she has eaten outside of Italy and Daddy says she should know as she has done an awful lot of eating).

Astro me up baby
But I don't want to.  I want to tell you about the astro turf which they have on the terrace.  I have a lovely time bouncing around on this.  It is also great fun grabbing a bar stool and using it as a Zimmer frame.  The people who work there are all very nice.  They don't mind me hugging their legs and they give me lots of bread with delicious olive oil.  They are a bit cheek pinchy though and they keep calling me 'Bello' even though Mummy told them several times that I am called 'Joe'.   Mummy has made sure there are high chairs and that the menu is available in half portions for small people.  Zio Gio has organic spelt pasta on the menu and he has bought a bicycle to do deliveries on.  Mummy says it's a girls bicycle and she wouldn't be seen dead on it.  Zio says he doesn't care and he gave me a ride on it and I loved it.
I want to go that way

Tuesday 1 October 2013

My Music

 
Following in my Great Uncle Joe's footsteps, I thought I would share some of my favourite songs and music videos with you.  Please post any back to me that you like and find.  The first is great to dance to and I quite like the wiggly bottoms.



I have heard lots of versions of this song but as this one is written by my namesake I love it.



And finally my all time favourite.  I particularly like the whoosh.



Mummy says she prefers this version but I think it's rubbish.  No whoosh.

Sunday 29 September 2013

My Friends

Friends seem to be quite hard to come by.

Friends at playgroup

Mummy takes me to playgroup 3 times a week but there aren't many children my age or older.  Mummy does spend a lot of the time there huffing and puffing because it's too hot or too noisy and I don't think Mummy likes it very much even though she pretends she does.  I also catch her rolling her eyes and then being really silly because she's bored and singing in silly voices.  She also starts showing off if the other Mummies look at her.  Other than that, I love it there.  Most of them get to go to nursery instead of staying home with the No Fun as their Mums have to work.
Anyhow, I had just made friends with a lovely boy named Theo who I liked very much when his family had to move back to New Zealand.  This made me sad.   I do wonder if we will ever meet when we are grown up and if we will recognise one another.
I also have a great friend JR.   I used to hang out a lot with JR but her Mummy had to go back to work and she now gets to go to nursery most of the week so I only see her on Fridays.   We went out together this Friday and had a lovely game of flap the bed sheet.

Tuesday 24 September 2013

The Price of having Children

I overheard the Mummies in Balham yesterday talking about how expensive it is to have a child.  They ought to come and live here!  I reckon Mummy has saved money since having me.  Here's how.....

1.  Shopping.  Mum and dad never bought a thing until I was born.  When I did arrive, they were in such a state of shock, they didn't have time to go shopping.

2.  Clothes.  Mummy eventually bought a set of onesies  (grow bags she calls them) in a size 20 times too big and I stopped in them until I fitted them and they started to make my toes curl.

3.  Toys.  You know that story.  Dustpan and brush for me.

4.  Food.  Birdy Num Nums and whatever Mummy and Daddy are eating.  However Mummy did say that as soon as she started breast feeding, the food bill doubled.  Daddy says 'Nonsense. Mummy has always had an appetite.'

5.  Child care costs.  I have to put up with Mummy all day.  Mummy says that just being with me is payment enough.  Puke.  I bet she says something else to Daddy.

6.  Transport.  Oh Mummy had to cough up here.  She didn't intend to buy a pram as she bought a sling but then I got too heavy and she got the hump.  So one day when she was particularly grumpy she marched into Mothercare and demanded their cheapest pram.  She nearly fell off her high horse when they told her £279.00.  She asked if it came with an engine.  Anyway, she's had pram envy ever since. A day doesn't go by without her complaining how the handle isn't adjustable.  So far then - £279.00.  However, Mummy walks everywhere, and now that I am starting to stagger she is making me walk everywhere too......  I have got calves like Bradley Wiggins.

7.  Baby cosmetics.  Mummy doesn't bother with soap on me and definitely not shampoo.  She says it's Isle of Wight (Mummy has some strange rhyming slang). She does massage me with olive oil and sometimes uses coconut oil and tells me it is very high quality.  But the point is that if she weren't massaging me with it, she'd be cooking with it.  I just hope I don't get picked on at school.

8.  Books - yes you've got it.  The second hand book shop.

9.  Music - Daddy's sound tracks or Mummy singing :( Mummy sings really loudly and at play group during nursery rhymes, all the other Mummies turn to stare.

10.  I know Mummy says that the food bills may have doubled, but she has saved money on not buying clothes as she can't squeeze her chubbly belly into her normal size clothes anymore and now she is a Mummy she can't bring herself to buy any Mummy clothes and has become quite attached to her pregnancy trousers.

11. Since she went all worthy and hippy, she doesn't spend money any more on cosmetics for her and makes do with essential oils and a darker room.

12.  No huge restaurant bills. No more tasting menus for Mummy.  I can only bear to sit through a main course and a pudding and then I get achy buns and have to leave.

13.  No more fancy hair cuts at salons that offer you cocktails.  Mummy tried it once with me and had to leave half why through with only half a hair do.  Local mobile hair dresser for Mummy and I get to sit on the floor and make her off cuts into a small Yorkshire Terrier.

12.  And of course she has saved thousands since she stopped drinking and smoking and gallivanting round the city and haggling for a cab home at 4 in the morning.

So all in all - although she spent £279 on the pram that makes her life a misery.  I reckon she is quids in.  Kids are cheap. 

Your purse is chock full Mummy

Wednesday 18 September 2013

Sprechen Sie Baby?

I may have mentioned it before but Mummy isn't great on speaking Baby and so I have had to take up several alternative methods of communication. 
In the beginning, I tried to explain some really important phenomena to her.  All I got back were those damn raspberries.  I thought they meant something really meaningful so would blow them at her and instead of paying attention to what I was saying, Mummy would laugh at me.  Very annoying. 
You're not listening Mummy
The same thing happened with coughing.  I got into trouble for coughing because another small person was chatting to me in coughs and Mummy thought I was clowning about and imitating them.
I then spent ages perfecting my Elfdalian with a touch of Khoisan.  Disappointingly, this was of no use here as Mummy doesn't know any Swedes or Bushmen. So I have now added pointing.  My Great Uncle Joe showed me the finger.  He is always waving it about.  That is going fairly well but Mummy is always bringing me the wrong thing.  She can never see exactly what I am pointing at even though it is pretty damn obvious.
So I have added 'THAT' and when she gets warmer 'THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT' building up to a crescendo which usually gets her attention.  However, Mummy can never see when I am pointing at Birdy Num Nums.  They get in the way.  She thinks I am pointing at her and picks me up when I don't want her at all.  I want feeding. So I have added 'THIS' - specifically for Birdy Num Nums to prevent any further confusion.  When I am nursing, I stop from time to time, point at them and say 'THIS' and check she understands.
Now that we have cleared 'that' up, I have moved onto 'Yesthsh'.  Daddy says I sound like 'Sylvester' but he should try it with only 5 teeth.  I only say 'Yesthsh' though when I am answering the telephone, television remote control, a camera or this morning, a banana - or when I am really, really hungry.
Speaking of hunger, Mummy tried to fob me off with yet another meal of lentils this lunchtime and I spotted that she was eating garlic mushrooms on toast and I have just discovered that I loooooooooooooove mushrooms.  YESTHSH!!!!!!

Mummy says I sound like a hedgehog chewing a slug.  Lip Smaken Uncle Ivo.  Lip Smaken!

EASY PEASY QUICK LENTIL STEW 3 MEALS IN ONE


A really quick nutritious meal when you have nothing in the house to eat.  Mummy rehashes this and makes several different meals from the same one.  She thinks I don't know.  But I do.

Daddy said this photo didn't inspire him
1 Onion chopped
2 cloves garlic chopped
2 sticks of celery peeled and chopped
4 large carrots peeled and diced
200g green or red lentils
1 tin of tomatoes


I can't even give it away
Put lentils in a pan and cover with water (about 2 fingers higher than lentils - Mummy's fingers not mine) and bring to the boil.  Skim off that scummy scum scum.  Add all the rest of the ingredients EXCEPT  (sshh Mummy don't shout) the tomatoes and bring to boil then simmer for about half hour.  When lentils are tender, add the tomatoes and simmer for a further 10 mins.
Eat with spinach for a balanced meal or cover with mashed potato for vegetarian cottage pie or eat with wholemeal spaghetti for a vegetarian Bolognese sauce.  Let me know if you think of any other combinations to try and baffle me with....................................................................

Tuesday 17 September 2013

QUICK AND EASY DRIBBLY FISH AND COURGETTE CURRY

This one makes me dribble.  I am a big fan of curry.  Mummy says that she is taking out the chilli from the recipes every since I pulled my face at a radish (which was particularly hot).  Anyhow, you can use any type of white fish.  Mummy uses Pollack.  (She uses this word a lot I have noticed).  If you don't over cook it, you can take out a piece of fish at the end and make sure there are no bones in it.  Mummy does this with her fingers so she can feel if there are any bones.  We usually have it with brown rice.


No coriander to be seen anywhere
1 Onion chopped
Big slosh of olive oil
6 cloves of garlic chopped
5cm grated ginger
11/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
1/2 tsp. paprika
Large handful of chopped coriander
1 Tin chopped tomatoes
3 medium courgettes diced
juice of half a lemon
350-500g of white fish fillet

Heat oil and drop in cumin until it starts to pop then add onion, garlic and ginger.  When lightly browned, add courgettes, and rest of dry spices.  Fry for 5 mins. then add tomatoes.  Cover and cook for 20 mins.  Add fish and cover and cook for a further 10 mins (or until fish is cooked)and add lemon juice.  Serve with coriander if you can remember.  Mummy forgot again. Yawn.

Look my spoon is too short

Sunday 15 September 2013

The best toy in the world

Mummy is rubbish at buying toys.  Mostly she buys things she likes.  She spent ages today looking at miniature plastic animals.  I thought that they were only good for chewing but she kept trying to persuade me to like them.  She was making a chicken and a lion kiss.  I had to howl to get her out of the shop.  I think she wanted to get a glass cabinet and to start collecting them. 
Anyway, she thinks I can make do with a colander and spoon.  Most mornings I spend with the brush that Nana bought.  Nana always buys brushes when she comes.  She has a thing for a 'soft long brush' whatever that maybe.  She also likes a soft cloth for cleaning.  Mummy once caused a scene when she discovered that Nana's dish cloth was a pair of old underpants.  I think it might be something they do up North.  (That's where Nana and Mummy are from.)  Mummy keeps trying to teach me Northern.  She has a horror that I will grow up speaking Southern. She makes me practise rounding my vowels.

Brush Baby

Anyway, thank goodness for all my aunties and uncles because I have a huge selection of toys but I have to say that Mummy surpassed them all today and bought me the best toy I have ever had.  She really surprised me as she didn't say anything about it and then I found it on the kitchen floor.  It's soft and furry and slightly bouncy and it plays peek-a-boo with me.
 I spent about half an hour with it this evening and I just couldn't put it down and walk away.  I keep having to go back and check that it's still there. 


It's fabulous.  Thank you Mummy.

Thursday 12 September 2013

Prams of Fire

I was out with Mummy today in the park and I suddenly had the urge to do my 'Prams of Fire' (as Tati Suzy calls it), gain my independence and push the pram.  I broke free from the No Funs and edged my way towards a pram and started pushing - quite successfully and at speed. I discovered that if I lent hard to the left I could make it do hand brake turns on the play ground.  Rubber was burning and I was making skid marks on the bouncy tarmac.
 Just as I started to gather an adoring crowd, Mummy No Fun came shouldering her way through.  Apparently it wasn't our pram.  And apparently there was a baby in it.
Pfffff

Wednesday 11 September 2013

MUMMY'S MAGICAL TOMATO SAUCE

This is one of my favourites and I particularly like how it stains my face and lips red and is especially effective on white paintwork.


Yum yum in my tum
1 tin organic tomatoes
1 chopped onion
3 cloves chopped garlic
1 peeled and grated apple
4 peeled and grated carrots
1 pinch paprika
1 pinch oregano
3 grinds black pepper
Splash olive oil

Fry onions and garlic until clear then add apple and carrot and fry for 10 mins.  Stir in oregano and paprika and pepper and add tomatoes. Cover and simmer for 1/2 hour, stirring occasionally.
This was so delicious I fell asleep in it
Mummy adds a tin of cannelloni beans to make me believe that this is better than Heinz or she puts with whole wheat pasta or with mashed potato or with bulgur wheat or anything else she has to hand.







BULGING BULGUR AND ROASTED VEGETABLES


Brown is cool
I just can't get enough of this one and it annoys Mummy as she reckons that bulgur wheat is the hardest thing to sweep up as it just keeps on rolling....  You can use most kinds of vegetables. Just make sure you chop them small so they roast well and I don't get hard bits of skin to gag on.  Mummy used mushrooms which made it quite brown, but small people like brown.  We get freaked out by all those primary colours.  But you can use whatever you like.



Forced to eat outside so Mummy can hose it down

Add 1 cup Bulgur wheat to 2 cups boiling water.  Cover and simmer for 10 mins.  Leave covered until no water remains.  Meanwhile chop into small pieces - mushrooms, peppers, onions, garlic, aubergine and green beans (or what ever soft vegetables you have mouldering in your fridge) and place in roasting tray with olive oil.  Roast until all vegetables are very tender.  Add to bulgur wheat with the juice of one lemon.  Mix together and enjoy.   If you can remember (Mummy always forgets and leaves them on the side) fresh herbs such as mint and chives go well. This makes enough for all of us, plus a couple of peckish neighbours.  

 

TEETHING WONDER WINGS

Mummy says 'he's teething' quite a lot.  Even when I'm not.  Usually, it is when she has annoyed me and I am fed up - not teething.  Or she has kept me awake at night - rustling about the house like a burglar.  Or she has dragged me to some arts and crafts thing when I wanted to sit at a pavement café and watch the world go by.  Anyhow, on the rare occasion that I am teething, these chicken wings work wonders.

Is that a pink bib with fairies on?

Rub Organic Chicken Wings with lemon juice and roast at 180 for about half an hour.  When cool get Mummy to break the wing tips off and discard and then remove the small bone from the second joint.  Chomp and make crooning noises whilst rubbing chicken grease into the newly washed hair of your mother as she bends down to pick up the bits from the floor.

BEETROOT SOUP


Red Light
This is worth eating to make the most interesting
coloured poo.  If you eat spinach for breakfast and butternut squash for lunch and then this for supper - you get traffic lights.

4 large beetroot washed but unpeeled
1 onion studded with 4 cloves
2 large peeled and chopped potatoes
4 grinds black pepper
1 peeled and chopped carrot
1 peeled and chopped celery


Note the washing basket full of white clothes....
 
Cover all ingredients with cold water and bring to boil. Simmer for around half hour until beetroot is tender.  Cool. Remove beetroot and peel. 




Remove cloves from onion and discard.  Put all into food processor and puree.  Dress in white to eat and make sure Mummy is wearing her best clothes as you experiment with your spoon handling skills.



THE SOUP TO MAKE ME EAT ANYTHING


Mummy makes a wonderful chicken stock and then uses it as a base for lots of my meals.  As I love the chicken stock she thinks she can slip in all kinds of weird vegetables (Jerusalem artichokes) and I won't notice.  I do notice Mummy.  I just don't mind the taste.  Anyway, when I was younger, she just used to give me the stock to drink (this was great if I had a cold as she would also add 1 tsp. of turmeric, a pinch of sage and some grated ginger root) and then as I got older she would add vegetables and puree it all up together.    She would put it in a cup and then I could help myself.  Nowadays, she just adds it to any of the vegetables I am eating.  It's so easy, I could make it myself.

Who needs a Chateau Lafite
1 Organic chicken carcass (or a chicken leg)
4 large carrots chopped
1 Onion chopped
2 cloves chopped garlic
1 bay leaf
2 peeled and chopped sticks of celery
a grind of black pepper

Put chicken in pan and cover with cold water and bring to boil. Skim off that scummy scum scum.  Add rest of ingredients and bring back to boil then simmer for 45 mins. (until meat is leaving bone).  Remove carcass when cool and spend a good 20 thoughtful mins.  picking the meat off the bones and then discard bones and put meat back in stock.  Try not to throw the meat out keep the bones like Mummy often does.

Either sieve out the vegetables and serve stock as a drink or puree all together or add other boiled vegetables (potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, beans, etc.) or mash with cooked whole wheat pasta brown rice, lentils or bulgur wheat.  Wow - the combinations are endless Mummy.  No wonder I get to eat it all week. 

Checking to see what else she has put in

 

VERY FRUITY FRUIT CAKE


I love bread but Mummy thought I was eating too much of it so she came up with this cake which contains all things good for me but is also very, very tasty.   So tasty in fact, I have to beat Granddad and Nana off with a stick.  It has no added sugar and there is no dairy and it is made with whole wheat flour but Mummy says you could use spelt flour instead.  Mummy used organic where she could without re mortgaging the house.


Fruity Fruity Fruit Cake



60g Dates
240g Sultanas
250ml Water
70g Grated Carrot (about 1)
2 Grated Peeled Apples (Cooking or Eating)
260g Whole Wheat Flour (Mummy used Bread Flour)
100 ml Olive Oil
4 Small Eggs
1 tsp. Mixed Spice
1/2 tsp. Ground Ginger
1/2 tsp.  Ground Cinnamon




Goodness Me
 




Put dates and sultanas in the water in a pan and bring to boil and then turn off heat.  Meanwhile beat eggs together with oil in bowl.  Add flour and spices and mix together well.  Add the water with the dates and sultanas and mix
well and finally add the grated carrots and apples and mix.  Pour into a well oiled and lined loaf tin and bake at 170 C for around an hour.  This is a very moist cake so your knitting needle (some of you may have a skewer) may not come out clean when checking if cooked.   Cool in tin before pushing in your mouth and rubbing on the carpet.

 



Tuesday 3 September 2013

Is my Mummy a slow developer?

Today Mummy nearly took 2 of my 5 teeth out with the pram.  She hit a pot hole at high speed and I nearly smashed into the roll bar.  I don't know where she was looking - but certainly not where she was going.  Daddy says Mummy used to drive a motorbike but I find that hard to believe.  She is always crashing with me, or getting stuck on speed humps, or up steps.  Other Mummies don't seem to have the same problem.  No wonder I have taken up driving myself.

Look at that big spider behind you Mummy
She also has problems dressing me.  Sometimes she puts things on back to front - and she never ever gets those sleep suit studs all to fasten up even though I have been wearing them for over a year now.  I always have a drafty hole somewhere or the other. She leaves me naked most of the day and even lets me pee in the plant pot. 
I know they had problems with nappies when I was born and they had to look it up on YouTube.  Daddy has the hang of it but Mummy is still struggling.  Most days I spend with the elastic leg stuck up my crevice and a gap in the front where I can pee through.
And whilst I'm at it, she's not that hot on communication.  I had to learn to point at quite an early age to try and get through to her but she still insists on putting me on the potty when I am asking to read a book. 
And she's very slow speaking.  Mummy still hasn't caught up with all the Mummytalk.  She doesn't even try anymore.  She still calls a pram a pram.  She refuses to say 'Doggy or Horsey or even Sippee Cup'.  Other Mummies are pretty fluent by now so I am starting to wonder at what age she is going to start.
She hasn't a clue when it comes to all the baby gadgetry either.  I caught her reading through the baby page of the Argos catalogue the other day so she could have something to chat to other mothers about at the play groups.  She is just so unaware of all the things out there.  She shows no interest in toys or status symbol prams and bags.  She likes books and that's about it. 
She also cracks jokes which might be funny with her friends in the city but they just don't go down well with other Mummies.  And she shouldn't be swearing at her age.
She also doesn't have much sense of proprietary and no respect whatsoever for authority.  I think this is going to cause problems later on.  And she's ever such a show off.  Whenever she thinks someone is looking at her, she starts to misbehave.  A couple of weeks ago she even had a tantrum in a café.  We were all having a very nice lunch when the waitress asked Mummy if she was a nanny.  Mummy went into melt down.  I have never been so embarrassed.  Mummy had a fit all the way home.  She kept saying 'I was a director of a public company and she thinks I'm a nanny!' and it took her ages to calm down even when I climbed up to her level and gave her a cuddle whilst looking in her eyes.
And so I do wonder about Mummy hitting her developmental stages.  It's been 14 months now and she seems very behind. 
She does make me laugh though.  This morning I laughed so much I got hiccups.

Thursday 29 August 2013

Am goin' to shake, shake, shake,shake, shake then stop

Mummy took me to a local play group this afternoon and insisted I make a shaker.  I had no interest in making one but Mummy wanted to show off her creativity - so I sat there with her so she didn't feel stupid being the biggest at the table.  Anyhow, she spent hours choosing stickers.  She kept pretending that I was choosing them but I didn't give a damn whether she put a dolphin or a horse on the bottle.  Then she got done off the lady for trying to put the rice in herself instead of waiting in the rice queue for the lady to do it.  Mummy is always trying to find a shortcut.  Why can't she just do what everyone else does? Anyhow I was more interested in the lady.  She had red hair and bright red smudged paint round her mouth which was on her teeth.  She kept asking me why I was staring at her but I didn't like to say.  Mummy kept nudging me to stop.  She knew why. 
After about half an hour of waiting Mummy finished her shaker.  It was crap.  Mummy wouldn't put it down.  She wanted me to join in the shake dance with the Red Lady but I thought it was stupid so she had to do it by herself.  I don't think Mummy minds making a fool of herself.  I pretended I was related to some Indian Nana who was very nice and had some watermelon and sat still and wasn't dancing with a Coca Cola bottle filled with rice.
Well I finished all the watermelon and wandered off to the sand pit which I particularly like and Mummy came to find me.  She sat down with me and began to sieve sand nicely when she let go of her shaker.  In a blink, a small person appeared and grabbed hold of it.  I have to say Mummy has got some spring loaded reactions.  She snatched it back sharpish.  But the boy was quicker.  He grabbed it back and Mummy and he were having a bit of a tug of war.  Mummy won but not before the boy pulled a leg off her horse sticker and made off with it (the leg - not the shaker disappointingly).  Mummy was fuming.  I don't know why she just didn't give it to him.  She couldn't say anything thank goodness because the other Mummies were watching.
She still has the hump about her shaker and the horse with three legs. 

I wouldn't be seen dead holding it


Mummy it's a Coca Cola bottle filled with rice with a bit of insulation tape round the cap.  We can make you another if you like.

Sunday 25 August 2013

Brave New World


Hello There



Don't fence me in
 
Well here I am back in London and it is all terribly strange and terribly exciting.  I run from room to room to check if everything is still there.  Things do look a lot smaller.  I have been to worship at the Head of the Lion every morning and I miss Nana.  I just can't go to sleep as the world is just too exciting.  There is so much to see and do and so little time to do it.  Mummy thinks I am asleep and I sit bolt upright and smile.  Mummy says I need to calm down.  I also have another tooth poking through (that makes 5) and it is giving me toothache and making me chew Daddy's shoulder which he doesn't like very much.
So much has changed since we've been away.   I've developed a new trend in crawling.  It involves feet and hands (no knees) and my bum in the air.  I can move sideways at quite a rate of knots.  I noticed that Nana was copying me when I was with her and Mummy has taken it up too.  I can also run at high speed but I need to be hold of someone's hand.  This walking business - I haven't quite mastered but 'You should never walk alone'.  Oh and they have fenced me in!  I now have a gate across the top of the stairs which I have already tried to climb over and they have fenced off the fire place.  Mummy says the knobs on the cooker are out of bounds and Daddy won't let me play in the bin since he caught me trying to drink out of an empty beer bottle.  I think that those two may turn out to be not-too-much-fun after all.


All Washed Out
 
Also Mummy has lost the plot.  She put a liquid soap tablet into the soap drawer of the washing machine this morning and when she switched it on - water poured out all over the floor.  And she tried to blame me as I am always messing around with the washing machine door.  Nana says that I'm going to get my fingers trapped but I just don't care.

Anyway, they did find me this fantastic music video so I can at least have a dance.








Monday 19 August 2013

Cummings and Goings

There's been a lot of Cummings and Goings recently and I'm not sure I like it.  First we left Daddy in London and came to Nana's and my cousin Sienna was here.  Then she left and went home.  Then my Daddy came.  Then Nana and Granddad left and went to London.  Then Mummy says that we will be going back to London on Friday.  Then Mummy said I shouldn't keep starting the sentence with 'then'. 
I don't mind moving about places.  I just miss my family.  Sometimes when I am sitting playing happily I get a really sad thought.  It's a good job I have Fiona.  I have to admit though, that since Daddy has been here I love Fiona a little bit less.

Friday 16 August 2013

Five Favourite Free Things to do (if you don't spend a fortune in restaurants) in Dolly Dorset



Number 1 The playground at Tolpuddle.
My best Swing
  This is the first time that I have been sooooo high on a swing.  There is a small fenced area for toddlers like me to stop me escaping to the pub and a larger area with football goals/basketball hoop and a very exciting adventure climbing frame. 
Trying to climb before I can walk
Mummy likes it because it is always quiet (she won't be happy that I've blogged about it) and it is very green and there is no tarmac or metal to be seen anywhere.  I like it because it is so big and there are nice wood carvings in the fence and I can explore on my own.  Mummy has found a selection of wooden toadstools under the small slide where she can feed me when it rains.
I usually drive my chariot through the village but the pavement runs out and I get to drive in the road which is OK as it is quite quiet.  Some people come in their parents' chariots as there is plenty of free parking outside.  There are no toilets but plenty of bushes and a pub in the village which Mummy hasn't tried as she seemed to find it hard work to get a anything to eat at ten to two.  (Mummy isn't very tolerant of people who think they should be going home to their families when she thinks they ought to be making her lunch).  There is also a play group in the Village Hall ( abit further along than the pub) on Mondays from 10-12 am.

Number 2 Bowleaze Cove/Weymouth.


Most Mummies have a pop up tent.........
 
  Mummy parks for free on the hill on Bowleaze Causeway but you can also park in the Beach Leisure Park Car Park for £2.50 for 4 hours or £5.00 all day. If you want to eat anything fried then there is a café at the Leisure Park with baby change facilities (ask for the key).  Or you can walk back up over the hill towards Weymouth where there is a nice café on the hill The Look Out Café with great views (even for short people) and a nice grassed area into which you can rub your crab sandwich.  If you continue down the hill towards Weymouth there is also the Spyglass pub with excellent value food (no haute cuisine but huge platefuls of roast dinner) and again good views.  We usually go onto the beach here as it is less crowded than at Bowleaze.  There are also free public toilets opposite the pub at the bottom of the hill.  If you fancy driving your chariot then you can drive it all the way along the front to Weymouth but we have struggled to find anywhere good to eat there which fulfils our criteria 1.  edible food 2. not overly expensive 3. room for a pram 4.  room for breast feeding 5.  room to change my nappy 6.  and mummy wants me to add not too hot as being from the North she always has to have a window open.  Let us know if you do (find somewhere good - not have a window open).

Mummy doesn't just go to the beach when it's sunny
3.  Sandbanks has to be the best beach for getting sand up your bum.  It is also fantastic for paddling and flying kites.  Mummy keeps saying she must buy a windbreak every time we go though.  Mummy gets free parking on the some of the roads off Shore Road and then we take the pram (most mums say buggy) to the beach.  There is a café on the beach Jazz Café but Trip Advisor says that it has a 'no buggy policy'.  Hmm - check it out.  We always go to eat at Lochfyne as Mummy loves fish and there is a £12 for 3 courses lunch deal.  There is changing room for me and if the car park is full you can park on the street opposite.  Mummy fancies walking along the front to Bournemouth but hasn't done it yet.

4.  Holesbay Poole
Rather a bleak scene
 A bit of an odd one this one but Mummy parks in Upton Park and we walk around Holesbay with the pram.  (Upton Park has a lovely walled garden and café and is nice in itself.)  Great chariot ride with some exciting bird hides but a bit close to the nioisy road in some places.  Can't have it all.  Some park benches en route for Mummies to nod off on.  It takes just over an hour to get to Asda Poole where there are fabulous changing rooms and free nappies for me.  The café has sofas round the back which are great to partake of the old Birdy Num Nums if you don't mind the glass windows giving great views both inside and out.  Food in the café is dreadful but you could always buy a picnic to eat on the way back or go into Poole.  Mummy's favourite ice cream shop has just opened a branch here Giggi's

5.  Bournemouth


The Trees and the Flowers and Me
Me and a bloody big balloon
I do like Bournemouth.  It is such a gentile seaside town.  Daddy says he finds English seaside towns depressing but Bournemouth seems so vibrant.  Anyhow, you can park for free in this area and then walk along the river Bourne through the park into the centre of town.  There are plenty of toilets both in the centre of town and then in the park down towards the sea.  There is also the most fantastic Italian ice cream shop in Bournemouth Giggi which Mummy adores.  There also seems to be plenty going on in the Summer for free and it is worth checking this website before visiting http://www.bournemouth.co.uk/things-to-do.  When we were there were entertainers in the park and live music and dance on the front.  I danced in the waves and slept on the sand.  Mummy sometimes eats at Wagamama's as there are small person facilities and chopsticks for me to poke in my eye.