About Mum and Dad

Mum says she's nearly eight but daddy told me that she's nearer 45.  He said that she had a career in the city smokin', drinkin' and swearin' but I'm not sure what she did.  He says he doesn't understand why she suddenly changed her mind and wanted to have children but she suddenly went all hippy and healthy to have me.  She gave up her career and spent all 9 months of her pregnancy reading about biology and anthropology and came up with lots of unconventional ideas to try out on me.  Some I liked - home birth, breast feeding, slings and some didn't work at all (cloth nappies, not having a pram, eating the placenta).  She is still experimenting on me.
Mummy and Daddy didn't know anything about babies before I came along and they say they know even less now.  I don't know what they find so difficult but they had to go on YouTube to find out how to fasten a nappy and they still don't understand what I am telling them half of the time.  I tell them that I want to go out and mummy holds me over the potty trying to make me poo.  She thinks the answer to all my problems is having a poo or Birdy Num Nums.  Or both.
Daddy thinks he and mummy are old.  Daddy likes trees and calm and motor bikes but doesn't walk with a limp.  Mummy had motorbikes too in the days BC.

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