Saturday, 8 February 2014

Things to entertain Mummy during the rainy days

Mummy says it's a long old winter.  She keeps buying me longer and longer wellies if that's anything to go by. 
Welly bellies

She takes me out every day - even though it's hurling it down and I think she is going to get arrested by the parenting police.  Today, we were the only people on the common and I nearly blew away.  I keep dreaming up things to entertain her in the house so we don't have to go out.  I learned to play guitar on my shirt.

And then I found a baby to kiss in the mirror.

I put numbers on Daddy head,   I hide pigs behind my back, I dance for her and sing for her.  I play hide and seek.  I stroke her face if she looks sad.  I perform circus tricks and try and stand on my head.  I laugh at all her jokes as if they are the first time I have heard them.  I try on an array of hats for her amusement
Daddy's hat

and I make every single animal noise I can think of.  And she still insists on taking me out..............................................

Saturday, 11 January 2014

Wanted Burstner Elegance 690 or Hymer 644G

Mummy and Daddy took me to look at campervans at the weekend.  We went to look at a Hymer in Canterbury. Took ages to get there and I fell asleep just as we pulled into the garage.  Mummy didn't hesitate to wake me up.  She told daddy that I am always waking her so hey.....
 Mummy and Daddy have found just 2 models of van that suit their needs.  They all look the same to me.  Mummy kept referring to it as a hymen.  Fortunately, only I noticed.

They ended up not buying it.  Mummy said it looked like someone had been living in it.  What does she think you do in them? She did ask the salesman if he would take a cheeky offer and when he said it depends on how cheeky, Mummy said 'Oh I can be very cheeky'.  I thought they were going to buy it, just so that they didn't have to drive home.
But they didn't.  Any way , we had potato pie for lunch.  I can say 'pie' now and 'cake', so 'burp' fits in nicely.

 I was so happy to get home, I had to have a little dance in my pants

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

The Dangers of Playgrounds

We go to a playground at least 4 times a week.
Me kept in the dark
Come rain or shine.  Mummy prefers it when it rains because it's empty.  That way we don't have any upsets about the swings.  Mummy refuses to queue.  She says she is 44 years old and she is not queuing for swings!!
She might be 44 years old but she keeps having accidents on the playground.  The first time was taking me down a slide so at least I was participating in that accident.  She went down so quickly and stopped so suddenly that she claimed her legs were foreshortened. 
The next accident was on a round-about.  The type you stand on and push round with your foot.  Mummy was trying to go faster than anyone else when she flew off and landed on her fatty bum bum.  I was in the sand pit at the time.
Then there is this gigantic telephone thing that you can speak into at one end of the park and listen to at the other end.  I had been chatting to her and then gone off when she started boring me.  Someone else's daddy went over to it and Mummy was still roaring like a lion and squeaking like a mouse.  He looked really embarrassed but not as embarrassed as Mummy when she realised I was standing next to her.
Last week, she fell off a swing in front of Nana.  Nana was pushing me on my swing and Mummy was next to me messing about.  She was trying to make the swing go over the bar when she shot forward and then tipped off in mid flight.  Nana thought it was the funniest thing ever.  Mummy didn't mention all the other accidents to her.
Then tonight, she got stuck up a climbing frame in the dark and daddy had to get her down.  Fortunately, it was so dark - no one else was about to see her.
Anyway, I don't need play grounds anymore.  I've moved on.  I've found cupboards..................


Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Things my grandparents let me do which Mummy doesn't know about

1.  Eat biscuits
2.  Squash tangerine into the carpet
3.  Listen to the same nursery rhyme 23 times
4.  Pull cats' tails
5.  Jump in puddles in my shoes
6.  Wee on the carpet
7.  Play on the laptop
8.  Have 3 dinners
9.  Draw on the wooden floor
10.Stay up all night

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.  Ogden Nash                 

Monday, 18 November 2013

The Times they are a Changin'

So much is happening.  So much going on.  I can run now, sort of jump and nearly hop.  Mummy can understand when I say 'bee' and 'pea'.  Her comprehension is coming on leaps and bounds. I also say 'giggle, giggle, giggle, bugger' quite a lot.  I can grunt when someone says 'pig', moo at the word cow and clip clop if anyone mentions a horse.    I nod to say yes and shake my head for a no.  Sometimes, I say no when I mean yes - just to keep Mummy on her toes.  Especially when she asks me if I want to poo.  I can read the paper.
I can sing.  I can do the actions to the songs.  I can do a little dance.  I can also recognise all my relations on a photo.  I keep pointing to my Nana and my Uncle Kenneth.  I think I might burst with all this knowledge.
I can make my own breakfast in the microwave.  I can turn the washing machine on.  I can press the button for the pedestrian crossing.  I try and pull the emergency handle on the tube.  I can turn every single light off and on and off and on without getting a nose bleed.  What else?  Oh yes.  I can play hide and seek with myself.
And I am fully prepared for Christmas.  Bring it on.........
“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”
Albert Einstein

Thursday, 7 November 2013

The Stuff that Dreams are made of

Goats.  That's right.  GOATS.  I wouldn't have believed it either until I met one.  Wow.  Ace.  I got my head as close as possible and then she kissed me.  Mummy says she stinks but I think Mummy is just being horrid like she is about my cuddly toys.  I loved her and I think she was pretty keen on me.  I could have spent all day there but Mummy dragged me away. 

I had my lovely cousins staying with me at the weekend.  They were great.  They are from Norway and there is one about my age and we could speak to each other fluently.  No need for the No Funs to translate.  Amazing.  I always thought I spoke Swedish.      We had some fireworks on Saturday and Mummy made a face in a pumpkin.  It wasn't very good.  I don't think she made the holes big enough.  You couldn't see it.  She did say it was the first time she had done anything with a pumpkin other than eat it but she could have had a practise first.  Anyway, the fireworks were well cool.  Sunday morning, we saw a squirrel on the terrace and we all leapt from the breakfast table to see him.  He was eating Mummy's pumpkin.  The holes are big enough now.

We also went to the park together.  I spent most of my time trying to get a stick down the same hole as the last seven times we were there.  I didn't manage it.  I shall try again next time though.

Tonight Mummy has the hump.  We were sitting on the floor reading a book when Daddy came home from work.  I jumped up when I saw Daddy.  It was such a long time since I last saw him.  I was so pleased to see him.  I went to collect the book from Mummy and took it to Daddy so he could finish reading it to me.  Mummy was not well pleased.  I heard her voicing a complaint to Daddy later.  She's so touchy.


Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Cuddly Toys and the Best Gloves Ever

Mummy has a thing about cuddly toys.  She hates them.  I don't know what her problem is.  She really doesn't like them.  She pretends to be nice to them but sometimes I catch her doing rude things to them behind my back.  They are so nice and sweet and furry and she is mean to them. 
I have a dog and a sheep and a monkey and a doll called Peter and a teddy called Kevin.  Mummy keeps them in the furthest darkest coldest corner and I have to go and root them out everyday. 

Anyway, when I was at the library yesterday, I found the library bear.  It is the biggest bluest teddy bear in the world and I loved it.  Unfortunately, somebody else was hugging it and I tried to take it off them but Mummy made me give it back.  Their Mummy negotiated a share with my Mummy even though my Mummy was saying 'No, no, really he's fine.  He doesn't want to play with it' and I was jumping up and down and saying 'YESTH, YESTH, YESTH . So Mummy gave it back to me.  I was so pleased to see it, I started biting its ear.  Within seconds, Mummy had whipped it from me again and given it back to the girl.
 'That was a quick share' said her Mummy.

Anyway I have forgiven her as she bought me some new gloves today and they are simply fabuloso.