Saturday, 26 July 2014

They've only gone and done it

Hymen 614
 They've only gone and bought it.  It was almost like it was destined.  More about the great people who we bought the van from later.  I cannot tell you how much I love the driver's seat.  My bed is fairly cool too.  Mummy can't contain herself.  She keeps singing campervan songs.  Anyhow the van and daddy have disappeared off to Dorset to store the van and Mummy and I have to wait until we get chance to have a drive.  Borrrrrrrrringggggggggg.  It's daddy's birthday today.  What a present!  At least we have Aunty Jayne and Aunty Ping to cheer us up tomorrow.

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

“Instead of legs, horses should have wheels. Then they’d be petable motorcycles.
” ― Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

Mummy seems frighteningly keen to get me on a horse.  I know I keep her quiet for hours in the car by making every single possible animal noise ( including fish) but that does not mean that I want to ride.  I think they ought to be approached with caution.

Yesterday, I saw one throw back it's lips and try and take a chunk from its compatriots neck and Mummy expects me to stroke it. She has some crazy ideas.  (Something to do with being kicked in the head by a hoss?) Last week she got us chased by a herd of bulls.  She doesn't seem to realise that I am small and attractive in my orange jacket and yellow wellies.  Mummy says “It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.” but I prefer Granddads motorbike.
But I can draw a horse.
This is my blue and green horse.  My horse under the sea.  My sea horse.  All my other colours were tucked up in bed.  I have started a wonderful relationship with them.  I have also progressed to circles.  Nana was so impressed by my circles that I drew one for her on her carpet.  She didn't seem so keen on that one.
Anyway, I am going home tomorrow.  I am so excited about seeing Daddy.  And the builders and Daddy. 

I shall miss the woods, and the birds and the newts the puddles and the sticks and the holes.

And the Bluebells and the trees and the light and did I mention the sticks and the holes?
But most of all I shall miss Nana and Granddad.  Kisses.

Friday, 18 April 2014

Mad as an April Hare

 I'm back  down in Dolly Dorset.  We had to make a run for it.  Mummy has decided to have a loft conversion, just as we are buying a campervan and preparing to clear off.  She is also trying to get the house rented in Dorset as well as completing her OU assignments.  Mad.  Why can't she just stay at home and knit?  Poor old Daddy is stuck with the builders and the dust but Mummy says 'at least he gets a lie in'.  I miss him and ask for him when I wake up.  Spring has sprung whilst we have been down here and I just love picking daisies and roaring at the dandelions.

Apart from missing Daddy, I am having a ball.  I got to sit in a tractor, visit some alpacas, look at the sea, and sit in Nana's campervan.  I just love the campervan.  Mummy says it's a good job because soon we will be living in one.
Maybe Mummy's madness is related to the moon. 

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Things to entertain Mummy during the rainy days

Mummy says it's a long old winter.  She keeps buying me longer and longer wellies if that's anything to go by. 
Welly bellies

She takes me out every day - even though it's hurling it down and I think she is going to get arrested by the parenting police.  Today, we were the only people on the common and I nearly blew away.  I keep dreaming up things to entertain her in the house so we don't have to go out.  I learned to play guitar on my shirt.

And then I found a baby to kiss in the mirror.

I put numbers on Daddy head,   I hide pigs behind my back, I dance for her and sing for her.  I play hide and seek.  I stroke her face if she looks sad.  I perform circus tricks and try and stand on my head.  I laugh at all her jokes as if they are the first time I have heard them.  I try on an array of hats for her amusement
Daddy's hat

and I make every single animal noise I can think of.  And she still insists on taking me out..............................................

Saturday, 11 January 2014

Wanted Burstner Elegance 690 or Hymer 644G

Mummy and Daddy took me to look at campervans at the weekend.  We went to look at a Hymer in Canterbury. Took ages to get there and I fell asleep just as we pulled into the garage.  Mummy didn't hesitate to wake me up.  She told daddy that I am always waking her so hey.....
 Mummy and Daddy have found just 2 models of van that suit their needs.  They all look the same to me.  Mummy kept referring to it as a hymen.  Fortunately, only I noticed.

They ended up not buying it.  Mummy said it looked like someone had been living in it.  What does she think you do in them? She did ask the salesman if he would take a cheeky offer and when he said it depends on how cheeky, Mummy said 'Oh I can be very cheeky'.  I thought they were going to buy it, just so that they didn't have to drive home.
But they didn't.  Any way , we had potato pie for lunch.  I can say 'pie' now and 'cake', so 'burp' fits in nicely.

 I was so happy to get home, I had to have a little dance in my pants

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

The Dangers of Playgrounds

We go to a playground at least 4 times a week.
Me kept in the dark
Come rain or shine.  Mummy prefers it when it rains because it's empty.  That way we don't have any upsets about the swings.  Mummy refuses to queue.  She says she is 44 years old and she is not queuing for swings!!
She might be 44 years old but she keeps having accidents on the playground.  The first time was taking me down a slide so at least I was participating in that accident.  She went down so quickly and stopped so suddenly that she claimed her legs were foreshortened. 
The next accident was on a round-about.  The type you stand on and push round with your foot.  Mummy was trying to go faster than anyone else when she flew off and landed on her fatty bum bum.  I was in the sand pit at the time.
Then there is this gigantic telephone thing that you can speak into at one end of the park and listen to at the other end.  I had been chatting to her and then gone off when she started boring me.  Someone else's daddy went over to it and Mummy was still roaring like a lion and squeaking like a mouse.  He looked really embarrassed but not as embarrassed as Mummy when she realised I was standing next to her.
Last week, she fell off a swing in front of Nana.  Nana was pushing me on my swing and Mummy was next to me messing about.  She was trying to make the swing go over the bar when she shot forward and then tipped off in mid flight.  Nana thought it was the funniest thing ever.  Mummy didn't mention all the other accidents to her.
Then tonight, she got stuck up a climbing frame in the dark and daddy had to get her down.  Fortunately, it was so dark - no one else was about to see her.
Anyway, I don't need play grounds anymore.  I've moved on.  I've found cupboards..................


Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Things my grandparents let me do which Mummy doesn't know about

1.  Eat biscuits
2.  Squash tangerine into the carpet
3.  Listen to the same nursery rhyme 23 times
4.  Pull cats' tails
5.  Jump in puddles in my shoes
6.  Wee on the carpet
7.  Play on the laptop
8.  Have 3 dinners
9.  Draw on the wooden floor
10.Stay up all night

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.  Ogden Nash