The Dangers of Playgrounds

We go to a playground at least 4 times a week.

Me kept in the dark

Come rain or shine.  Mummy prefers it when it rains because it's empty.  That way we don't have any upsets about the swings.  Mummy refuses to queue.  She says she is 44 years old and she is not queuing for swings!!
She might be 44 years old but she keeps having accidents on the playground.  The first time was taking me down a slide so at least I was participating in that accident.  She went down so quickly and stopped so suddenly that she claimed her legs were foreshortened. 

The next accident was on a round-about.  The type you stand on and push round with your foot.  Mummy was trying to go faster than anyone else when she flew off and landed on her fatty bum bum.  I was in the sand pit at the time.
Then there is this gigantic telephone thing that you can speak into at one end of the park and listen to at the other end.  I had been chatting to her and then gone off when she started boring me.  Someone else's daddy went over to it and Mummy was still roaring like a lion and squeaking like a mouse.  He looked really embarrassed but not as embarrassed as Mummy when she realised I was standing next to her.
Last week, she fell off a swing in front of Nana.  Nana was pushing me on my swing and Mummy was next to me messing about.  She was trying to make the swing go over the bar when she shot forward and then tipped off in mid flight.  Nana thought it was the funniest thing ever.  Mummy didn't mention all the other accidents to her.
Then tonight, she got stuck up a climbing frame in the dark and daddy had to get her down.  Fortunately, it was so dark - no one else was about to see her.
Anyway, I don't need play grounds anymore.  I've moved on.  I've found cupboards..................

Things my grandparents let me do which Mummy doesn't know about

1.  Eat biscuits
2.  Squash tangerine into the carpet
3.  Listen to the same nursery rhyme 23 times
4.  Pull cats' tails
5.  Jump in puddles in my shoes
6.  Wee on the carpet

7.  Play on the laptop
8.  Have 3 dinners
9.  Draw on the wooden floor
10.Stay up all night

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.  Ogden Nash