Note to Mummy

Mummy please stop faffing.  You can guarantee that whenever I am enjoying myself you will come along and kill the joy.  Just when I am about to go to sleep don't pull a cover over my head and wake me.  When I am having a good time trying to push my finger down the plug hole, please don't try to pull that piece of snot from my nose which has been annoying you all afternoon.    I don't want to have to call you No Fun Mummy.
When I am eating a potato, I don't want you to take it off me to remove the hair ball.  I am enjoying it.  Hairs and all.  When I am standing in the sea watching the waves, I don't need you to take my vest off.  I like to get wet sand all over me.   When I am driving along in my chariot and I am people watching, don't faff with the hood and put it over me - you are ruining my view.  And when I nod off in the car seat with my head at a dislocated angle, I don't appreciate you straightening it for me.  Mummy, when I have spent all say eating nothing but nectarines, don't take the seventh one from me and give me a 3 course meal.  If I wanted a 3 course meal, I would ask for one.
And Mummy, when I am trying to get to sleep, stop stroking my chuffing cheek.  OK?